Social Networking..Blessing or Curse

I cannot begin to imagine where technology will be in the next five or ten years. To say that technology has changed our culture and way of life is probably the understatement of the century. Some of the communication devises we watched on the Star Trek series of the sixties are part of our everyday life today. Our world has become even smaller because of the internet. Family photos and videos are sent through thin air from all over world in a matter of seconds. So what is next? Where will we be? How will we live?

What a blessing Facebook, MySpace, MyFortDodge and the other social networking sites have been. We've been able to connect, and reconnect with family and friends that we have not seen or heard from in years. We actually get to meet family members we have never seen through the power of social networking photo programs.

A term that was created by social networks is cyberbully. A cyberbully hides behind their computer to promote deliberate hostile behavior towards another person. Cyberbullies have been blamed for physical confrontations and even suicides of teenagers across the country.

Children as young as 9 years old carry cell phones and have Facebook pages. I have had parents and children tell me about the brutal filth, and profane language some of the children are using on their sites and text messaging. Some of the messages I've read are shocking. Children who experience hurt feelings and have a destroyed self-esteem, come to my office asking for help. The free availability of social networking has become a curse for children.

So what can be done? Whose responsibility is it to monitor the sites and cell phones? Someone has to protect our children. It all has to begin in the home. Parents have the ability to protect their children from the curse or social networks and teach them proper computer etiquette. The following are suggestions that I give parents when they ask me for help.

1. Monitor your child’s cell phone texting, emails, and their social network pages. Some parents are concerned that they are invading their children’s privacy. Think of it as protecting them and teaching them responsibility. You wouldn't allow them to go to a dangerous place, so protect them from the dangers of the internet. Even teenagers need rules and boundaries on the net. Limit their time on the computer. Don't allow computer usage in the privacy of bedrooms. Keep computers in a family room or living room.

2. Teach your children to block people who are inappropriate or offensive. Sure children don't get along from time to time. But if someone is persistently inappropriate, delete them. Who needs negative pressure? No one wants to hang out with people who don't like them, so don't hang out on the internet with them.

3. Make sure your children and you; know personally everyone they are in constant contact with on the internet. Sexual predators know exactly what they are doing and give children the attention they are seeking. They are tricky, manipulative and dangerous.

4. Talk to your kids. Know their friends, their interests, their feelings. Be involved in their lives. Be a parent, not a friend. Friendship will come later. Understand your role as a parent. No one is perfect. There are alot or resources available to help you make sound parenting decisions. One of my personal favorites is www.focusonthefamily.org .

5. Communicate with other parents and try to politely and appropriately fix relationship problems on the internet. They may not be aware what their children are doing or saying on the internet. Be firm, but considerate. Block, de-friend anyone who is not friendly. If a threat of any kind is made, contact your local authorities. You may prevent a terrible tragedy.

Parenting has never been easy. The internet is making it even harder. We must take an active role to protect those we love.

Tis the Season

The Holiday season is here. A time to join family and friends to celebrate the season. The month of December seems to fly by so fast with school Christmas programs, parties, family get togethers, shopping, gift giving and feasting on delicious treats.

Holiday traditions make each year memorable for children. Years later children will remember what their family did together and may choose to continue the same traditions with their own family when they get older.

Christmas is a time when many focus on giving and receiving gifts. Most children have the recieving part down pretty good. It is important for our children to learn the joys of giving and acts of service. Many families holiday traditions include acts of kindness towards others. The best giving we can teach our children is to give of themselves. The most precious gift can be as simple as a smile to someone who looks lost or alone. A child need to understand that giving does not aways have a monotary value. If children are taught early to give of themselves, the pattern will stay with them as they grow older. Inexpensive homemade gifts from the heart give a message of caring and love and service to others. Start a family tradition to give to others. The meaningful rewards will last a lifetime.

Questions, answers, and thoughts on Parenting

Dr. James Dobson wrote a book title "Parenting isn't for Cowards" Who would have thought how difficult parenting can be? Who is the perfect parent? I have not met them yet. But I have learned many things from parents through the years. I think we all can learn from each other.

My wife and I read lots of books on parenting that gave us good ideas. However I would have to say that I learned the most from other successful parents. We asked other parents a lot of questions. Such as "What did you do when your kids lied?" "How do you handle disrespect?" "Did you give your child an allowance?" These and many more questions were answered through the years by parents who seemed successful. We wanted to learn as much as we could about parenting. Don't be afraid to ask for parenting advise from your own parents, teachers, other successful parents or clergy. The more you learn about parenting the better parent you will be and the benefits for your children will be amazing.

Your children will grow up faster than you can imagine. Time will race by your life and before you know it your children will want to spread their wings and fly away to college or a career. You will sit back and wonder how it could have gone by so fast. Spend time with your children. I really don't believe how some people say "Its not the quantity of time but the quality" Your kids need both quantity and quality. They need you! If you spend quantity time with them when they are small and they are comfortable and safe around you, when they become teenagers they will want to spend time with you. When I was young I heard the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin, its the story of a father who was too busy to spend time with his son, and when he retired he wanted to spend time with his grown up son, but unfortunately, his boy grew up to be just like him and was too busy for his own family and his father. I lived my life by this song. I wanted my kids to know that they were more important to me than anything else. Sure we all work and seem busier now than we've ever been. Don't let your children's childhood pass you by. Make your children your priority. Their life should be your life. What better way to leave a legacy than the values you can teach your children.

We were watching television as a family one night and the premise of the show we were watching was how a child grew up to be like his parents. I turned to my son and asked him "Do you want to grow up like me?", with a smile on my face expecting him to say no. But he said "Yes in many ways I do". I thought that was an interesting answer. He wants to be like me in some ways, but he wants to grow and be his own man, stand up on his own two feet and be independent of his parents. That was my goal, I didn't want my children to be dependent on me or my wife, after they grew up.

The purpose of this blog is for parents, teachers, counselors, parents to be, to ask questions and hopefully find answers on parenting ideas.